It's A Funny Old Game
So here we are. Another football tournament and another clash between England and Germany, the bitterest of rivals or so England fans assume. In reality, feelings about England vs Germany on the German side of the football chasm are rather tame. Most Germans I speak to don’t see England so much as a rival but rather an interesting opportunity to play against a country that many admire, partially for its football but more generally for its culture, it’s coastline and its weird obsessions with baked beans and mint sauce. When I’ve asked German friends about who they consider their biggest rivals they mention, in no particular order, Netherlands, Italy and perhaps Austria or Poland. More often than not they pause, look me in the eyes and say ‘Oh und England Natürlich’ with a tone that most people reserve for complimenting a small child’s finger painting. They don’t mean to be condescending, if anything they're just trying to be nice.
Ask an England fan about the storied fixture and you’ll get a detailed list of football calamities, a tale of woe that includes missed penalties, goals that shouldn’t have been and a shining moment in 1966 that few fans actually remember but we feel we’ve all lived and relived for our entire footballing lives. The famous words ‘The crowd are on the pitch…’ echos in our ears at the mere thought of playing Germany, mainly because the soundbite has been played over and over again in montages, football anthems and even game show titles since that famous day at Wembley 54 years ago.
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels
It would be nice to believe the narrative surrounding this fixture was purely about football. Although some may point to past encounters in 1966, 1990, 1996 or even 2010, it is of course World War II that many English football fans will reference when playing Germany, hell it’s even referenced when facing non-German opponents. The English brass band, thankfully absent so far from Euro 21, frequently play the theme tunes to the WWII films ‘The Great Escape' and the Dam Busters. When playing Germany, some England fans go into WWII nostalgia overdrive, with renditions of the frankly pathetic ‘Ten German Bombers’ a song so devoid of humour, an irony given our immutable belief in the wonders of English humour. Nothing speaks to the thousands of years of English heritage and culture like a large group of balding middle-aged men singing about a war they never participated in. It was perhaps the encounter between the sides in 2010 that WWII references reached an all time low. As the German attackers battered England 4-1, the TV cameras surveyed the crowd and picked out two dejected England fans clad in RAF blue uniforms and sporting oversized fake moustaches. I would hope that as England supporters we might have learned a lesson by now, but I’m not overly optimistic.
Why are English fans so transfixed by the Second World War? I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t important, arguably the most important event in British history. That’s not hyperbolic, although I appreciate others will disagree. However, the event itself has been commodified over the decades since. It’s used to sell beer, car insurance, films, TV shows and the very sense of Englishness itself. Britain as a whole cannot celebrate a national event without a flyover of Spitfires and Lancaster Bombers. Our language is filled with references to it and for so many people it’s not simply a part of our national history, it is our national history. We may have executed kings, built parliamentary democracies, fostered technological and medical advances, but no other historical event seems to get a look in.
It doesn’t matter that most people have only a rudimentary understanding of it, gleaned from Dad’s Army reruns, thousands of war films, video games and documentaries about the best tanks. That’s generally enough for most people. What concerns me, what has always concerned me, is the way it makes English fans act when it comes to Germany. It’s a universal truth that most people around the world have only a simplistic understanding of other countries. England isn’t immune to stereotyping, neither is Germany, just ask any Polish, Greek, Chinese, French, Italian or US citizen living here. The Germans are perfectly capable of over simplifying other countries. Yet, I reserve much of my scorn for the English, mostly because I love England as my home country and feel fiercely over protective of the country I adopted. I was born in England but I chose Germany after all. I hope any English person reading this can understand how I feel, but perhaps it’s only those that have left who will fully get it.
There’s only so many times a person can hear ones family described as ‘Krauts’, only so many times a person can hear ‘Don’t mention the war’ when introduced with ‘lives in Germany’ and only so much a person can stomach hearing loved ones asked their opinions on Adolf Hitler. I also feel so strongly because of the inherent dishonestly of the constant war references. Whenever I kick up a fuss, whenever anyone who knows me challenges these statements they’re met with ‘it’s only a joke’ or ‘only kidding’. To be clear, this is only ever half true. English humour, lionised as it is, always needs a target. Even as I write this I know there will be some who’ll dismiss my opinion as being rather humourless, typically German of course. Maybe it is, but frankly I’m passed caring.
Ultimately, the really sad thing is I know what most Germans are like. On the whole German football fans wish England well, perhaps not on Tuesday, but certainly in a general sense. They’re good humoured, they get the joke, they like England. This was exemplified for me following England’s early exit from Euro 2016. If I had been in Scotland or Wales following England’s embarrassing, yet predictable defeat to Iceland, I would have taken the week off to avoid the perfectly justified crowing of rival fans. In Germany, there were wry smiles a plenty, but most people commiserated with me or stated how shocked they were at the result. Even if feigned, it was nice of them not to stand on their desks, point at me and in unison chant “Wanker, Wanker, Wanker” repeatedly until I left the room. I hope England fans will meet whatever comes on Tuesday, be it penalties, a thrashing or glorious victory with good grace and humility, I hope the same for German fans too. One way or another I’ll find out, most likely from my hiding place behind the sofa.
Image Credits
Photo by Timothy Tan on Unsplash
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels
Photo by dominik reallife on Unsplash
