No one enjoys a hangover. Blinking into consciousness, a mouth the texture of sandpaper, while a thousand tiny hammers panel beat your brain, that’s nobody’s idea of a good time. Although there is no sure fire cure to what the Germans disarmingly call “Der Kater” or “the tomcat”, everyone has a theory. I’ve heard the argument that due to Reinheitsgebot (beer purity law), acquiring a hangover on German beer is near to impossible. I’m here to tell you that little nugget of wisdom is deeply untrue. The beer may be pure, but the morning after isn’t. I do feel significantly better than a night on chemically infused British lager, but whether German or British in origin, both outcomes still require some form of nursing. Like the British, Germans are still searching for the holy grail of the perfect hangover cure. While many in the UK will swear by an English breakfast, I’ve met very few Germans willing to attempt baked beans and fried bread after a heavy night. For those who would prefer to avoid reaching for the ibuprofen or the frying pan, Germans have come up with some suggestions to “Um einen Kater zu heilen” or heal the cat.

Everything in Moderation

 Renowned for their practical nature, some German's have solved the problem of hangovers by simply not drinking so much. I’ve always been impressed with German friends who can go for a night out and drink two or three beers over several hours, pay their bill and then leave. ‘Going for a couple of drinks’ is a very flexible phrase in Britain, meaning anywhere between two and ten. In Germany it’s a promise. Mastery of self-control is certainly not a trait I recognise in myself or in many of the British circles I’ve travelled in, but in Germany I’ve seen this particular skill on display enough times to consider it the safest strategy to avoid the “The tomcat”. It hasn’t worked for me yet, but I’m far from being a pragmatist.

Drink lots of water

 Speaking of pragmatic solutions, this one seems fairly obvious. A long session will result in dehydration, so drinking water is surely the only cure. Of course, it has to be a particular type of water, simple tap water will not do. Germany favours all manner of bottled waters, partially because of traditional medicinal fresh water springs and also because the high calcium content of German tap water, which can produce odd side effects if drank regularly. It took a long time for me to get to grips with drinking sparkling water after drinking. For the longest time I considered it a real gamble to ingest more gas after drinking several beers, like a non-violent form of Russian Roulette, the only victim being anyone within five meters of me. Now I swear by it, although it isn’t 100% certified to kill a hangover. Even so, this option does offer the chance to enjoy one of the great German hobbies, recycling.

Go for a walk

Fresh air? Sunshine? Human interaction? No, I don't know how any of that could possibly help either, but I know many people who are convinced that going for a long walk after a night of drinking will clear out what remains of the feline presence. Some sadists even suggest cycling, which seems dangerous for several reasons, number one being the punishment for drunk cycling in Germany can be a hefty fine and/or the suspension of a person’s driving licence. Getting the blood pumping with a long hike in the woods definitely feels more sensible than lying prostrate on the couch for several hours while occasionally wailing about the pain. Self-pity is a reasonable response, it’s not an attractive quality, but it’s one I frequently resort to. I’m not sure if hiking will reduce my remorseful yelps, but it may deal with the more brutal side-effects.

Katerfrühstück

 The above options are all anecdotal, but this is where things get scientific. Hangovers are not fully understood, but it’s appreciated that dehydration is one of many factors. What the body needs is electrolytes, but before you reach for the Lucozade, think German. What do cats like? Fish, What’s better solution can there be than a traditional Katerfrühstück (cat breakfast/hangover breakfast) of fish, specifically the traditional Rollmop. Originating in the north of Germany the Katerfrühstück consist of pickled herring fillets, wrapped around a variety of fillings, but usually a gherkin and secured with wooden sticks. High in potassium and sodium, these will definitely help you on your way to a cat free existence (metaphorically). I’m not entirely sure about this particular solution since pickled fish seems like one of those comedy suggestions people give to the hungover for entertainment purposes. What’s the worst that can happen? Oh yea, I forgot, pickled fish.

Weißwurstfrühstück

If the north of Germany has rollmops, then the south has the Weißwurstfrühstück, a combination of traditional veal sausage, a pretzel, washed down with a glass of Weißbier. Weißwurstfrühstück is a twist on the other German hangover cure, the Konterbier (counter beer) or as the British refer to it, the hair of the dog that bit you. Like most things in the south of Germany, there are several important traditions that must be observed when eating Weißwurst. Firstly, the sausage should not be boiled, rather warmed up in a pan of hot water. Secondly, the skin needs to be removed before eating, which can be done in various ways. the most popular seems to involve sucking the meat out of the skin after slicing the ends, a process called zuzeln. Thirdly, it should all be consumed before 12 noon, with some arguing it shouldn’t get the chance to hear the 12pm church bells, which begs the question “why the hell can my sausage hear!?”. I’m pretty convinced by this method, the beer is an obvious solution, but one that simply delays the inevitable. What’s worse than Der Kater? Waking up to find out you’ve acquired two feline friends.

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