The Society of Auto-Correction
After living with a Schwäbisch wife for so long, I’ve picked up more than a few colloquialisms. With a mix of Schwäbisch and my northern English accent, I must sound like a lunatic to the unprepared. It’s an everyday challenge, one that I didn’t expect when I first moved here. Living in a different country presents these unexpected challenges, things that were perhaps simple can become difficult because of unknown processes that seem so mundane to everyone else, no one mentions them. The only way a person may discover an invisible process or cultural rule is when they break it, which is rarely an enjoyable experience. Thankfully Germany has found a way of keeping people like myself on the straight and narrow path, a way of ensuring all people, at all times know the correct way to do things. I call them the German Society of Auto-Correction.
One of the lesser known facts about Germany is that it comes with its own autocorrect function. If someone sees another person doing something incorrectly, there is a very high chance that a complete stranger will interject, point out the mistake and then offer an alternative solution. This may sound helpful; however, the correction is rarely delivered in a friendly manner. At first, I thought it was my poor German skills that meant I was misunderstanding the tone of these corrections, but as my language skills have improved, I often find that the German society of auto-correction is like vigilante justice: brutal and unthinking.
For example, a few months back I was stood at a supermarket checkout, preparing myself for the speed scan by getting my bags in order and generally limbering up for the low flying tins of peas that would soon be coming my way. As I waited, an older gentleman caught my attention. He pointed to my un-scanned shopping and declared “This is poorly organised”. He was right, of course. “Look, this one is about to fall off” he warned pointing at a yoghurt pot that was about to, and then did, fall off the conveyor belt. “I’ll get it” he declared, in the tone of someone saying, “I told you so”. I took a deep breath, thanked him and continued to rapidly pack the shopping. “You have too much shopping” he continued, “You should buy less”. I ignored him. I asked to pay with card and heard him inhale quickly, as if to dispense another pearl of wisdom. I already knew what he was going to say, something along the lines of “why are you paying by card? You should use cash” but I avoided his advice by simply staring straight ahead and ignoring him. I took my card thanked the cashier and quickly left.
I was a little embarrassed by the interaction, but even more so, I was angry. Public reprimands are still very unexpected for me, they just happened so rarely in the UK. I might expect the “busybody” attitude, but the directness of speech and confidence with which it was delivered caught me off-guard. The British reputation for indirectness is well earned. The British instinctively understate things or add language that reduces the severity of the message. Sometimes the best praise someone might ever receive is that something they spent months preparing is “quite good” or the far more incomprehensible “not bad, while negative feedback is tacked onto the end of a conversation by using a phrase like “Oh, by the way…”. The British also seem to have evolved a tremendous sense of social anxiety when it comes to creating conflict, at least in a business setting. Although things are changing, Germans in many business settings will simply assume the “German way” is superior and will not shy away from telling people how they can improve. The best example of this can be seen in how people from both cultures deliver feedback. The British person will often look for positives, the German person will often just list all the things that have gone wrong or need to be improved.
Of course, environment impacts communication. Unsolicited feedback is an inevitable part of German life. Most Germans, at least from my experience, tend to ignore it or at least don’t react to the free advice offered by strangers. In the UK, as I’ve mentioned, unsolicited advice or feedback is a rarity and may well be met with a similar level of disinterest as in Germany. However, advice from strangers may well be met with a furious response of “Mind your own business!” followed by a series of graphic expletives. Social awkwardness, a deep sense of privacy and a more socially aggressive culture can combine to make the very idea of publicly admonishing someone in the UK a terrible idea.
After asking colleagues about these differences, it became clear that my German co-workers believed people genuinely just want to help each other. Although this may seem naïve, honesty is important in Germany and a direct assessment of failures can have a positive impact. When I asked Germans if unsolicited advice was useful, they stated generally yes. The reason for this positive perspective was that it was often good for problem solving. People develop their own way of doing things, but it was still helpful to have an alternative suggestion on how to solve certain problems. That being said, I was told to be wary of the phrase “We have always done it this way”, which seemed to signify an inability to adapt to change.
It must also be noted that the society of auto correction seems to focus more heavily on women. I’ve only recently noticed this since the arrival of our first child. My wife and many other women seem to attract auto-correctors happy to comment on parenting styles, feeding, clothing or any number of other things that don’t meet the parenting standards of some random nobody. When I walk around with my daughter, very few people will mention the fact she’s removed her socks or is making some annoying baby noise, and no one has ever decided to cross the street to inform me of some technique or process that I’m failing at. Perhaps it’s my angry resting face, or more possibly it’s because women are seen as fair game for correction.
Where does this leave me with my German shopping corrector? Well, a little further forward. I may not like being advised by the German society of auto correction, but it is important to note that they are not always wrong and they don’t always mean to be rude. Sometimes, and only sometimes, the unprompted advice is helpful. When it isn’t I can always fall back on my British training: smile, say “Danke” and then try and destroy them with a vicious, telepathic death stare.
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